Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
