U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My bed smells like the plague
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