Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
