How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
