Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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