Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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