This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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