careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
