Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
