It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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