Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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