for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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