my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
