bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
