The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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