i'm lost and i look like a hooker
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
