Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
