mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
