I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dick very happy bro
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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