already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
