remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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