What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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