Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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