went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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