grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im holly from the hills drunk
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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