somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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