In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
