No awkward lesbian experiences without me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
where does the pee come out of this thing
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just forgot I was standing up.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
