Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am available for nakedness
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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