So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
