he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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