it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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