Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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