If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
