Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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