Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
