When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize