a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize