Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
