God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize