Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
