so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
