At least make sure they are 18
Why
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
