I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
