Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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