he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
