I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
