all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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