i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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