I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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