Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
