oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize