Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
false alarm. still invincible.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
