Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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