grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
In America we eat man semen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
