i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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