D3 body, D1 cock
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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