youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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