My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
