i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
