the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
