I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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