Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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