So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
