Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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