So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
