My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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