you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
