He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You took a bar mat shot.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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