Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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