yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
