can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
