do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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