You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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